i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
