he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
