i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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