i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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