Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
