I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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