It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
