$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
as a side note pls kill me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
