The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
