what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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