Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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