We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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