My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize