I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
