dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
