So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
