when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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