dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I could fuck to npr.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
