R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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