every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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