My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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