Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
