VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
