Her vagina should come with caution tape.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize