Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
