perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
