I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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