between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
