bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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