if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
