i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
