you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
