I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
