Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
