She's JV to your varsity
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
