omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
