Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
