its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
