I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
