how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
should my penis look like a turkey
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
