He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
