so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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