It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
