I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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