id be glad to
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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