I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
