return my video game
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love accidental penises.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
