The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
