She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
