We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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