After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
