im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
