this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
