he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize