You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
