I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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