3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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