he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
