Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
