i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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