I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize