I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
