you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
