I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
