i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
