Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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