how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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