I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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