it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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