Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
