I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
God, I missed his penis.
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