Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
