How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
