i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
