Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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