Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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