After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize