We're like a lot better than the average bears
so explain again why im purple
no
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
