Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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