ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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