sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
