So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
