It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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