Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
