If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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