I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
