babies were throwing up all over the place
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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