Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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