Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
