I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
