I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize