make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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